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[notapancake]

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You've reached Donatello, the older one. Leave a message.

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[apuckalypse]

[The snap makes Casey hesitate, his gaze darting away, his voice quieting. He's not fully cowed, he doesn't stop, but he's visibly less aggressive about this than he was last time.]

It's our problem because it's yours. That's how it works with family.

[notapancake]

[Ah, so there it is. Or at least the fact that Casey also considers the younger turtles family makes it make sense to him now.]

Except they're not. They're not my family, and they never will be.

[apuckalypse]

I don't- I don't mean them. [He knows Uncle Tello doesn't think of them as his family. He's not surprised and didn't expect it, considering how little time has passed since they got here. It's not like Donnie thinks of him as family, and it's been more than two years now. (Maybe he never will. It's fine. Legitimately, he's not upset about it anymore. It's how thing are.)] What about us? Me, and sensei?

[A part of him is afraid to ask, with how things are right now. But he trusts. He has to trust. He has to believe in his family.]

[notapancake]

[The slightest of tilts of his head at that question, as if it's the stupidest thing he's heard lately. And well, he has heard Casey's plan to do the blood thing.]

Of course you two are family. But that doesn't mean you should go about involving others in my problems.

[apuckalypse]

You're still shutting us out, though. Disappearing to this lab, not coming home, not talking to either of us... not letting us help you. You didn't even- sensei got hurt, you didn't come.

[Now lashing out more severely when startled than he's ever seen his uncle do, hiding the Krang blood again, refusing to accept any help... Casey doesn't know what to think right now. There's pride, and there's family, and there's a need for control, and there's... whatever this is.

He gives his right arm an anxious rub up and down; there's new scars there, healed but fresh over the old ones from his childhood. If Uncle Tello wouldn't come for sensei, he wouldn't have come for Casey, either.]

[notapancake]

Because, you were there. There wasn't a reason to have both of us there, also according to Leo the weather was horrible in Wintermute.

[Yeah, he notices the arm rubbing, and the new scars. But says nothing, if it was important Casey would do more than just look awkward or... Whatever the teenager is doing right now.]

[apuckalypse]

It... was horrible. Sure. I guess. [But that wouldn't have stopped any of them before. A bit of snow? Even with the cuts they were causing... no.] You're still better at it than me. Faster. I couldn't give him the best care. And you haven't checked in since then, have you.

[notapancake]

I've been busy, and I trust your skills. [And he's turning his attention to the work table, shuffling his notes he has there... Hm, maybe if he actually tries some of these formulas on himself instead of samples...]

1/2

[apuckalypse]

[Busy.

Busy.

Trying to find a different way to save his own life, just so he doesn't have to accept the help of people who are trying so hard, pouring literally blood, sweat, and tears into a plan that he himself thought would work, given the right resources. Which they have now. Which he won't accept.

Busy. The comment on trust doesn't even register, doesn't ping at all as confidence in Casey's ability. It's so dismissive. Even now, as he turns away from Casey, focusing back on his research. Nothing he's saying matters at all.

Busy. Busy, busy, busy.]

[apuckalypse]

[Something breaks.

Casey bows his head, then, and just. Starts crying. It's not a noisy cry, no sobbing or sniffling or blubber. Donatello might not even notice. The tears fall unhindered and he can't think of what to say. It's a preemptive grief, a helplessness he's struggling to fathom. Back when it first happened, he was even more useless, inept. Now he had more skills that are useful and still, useless. He's trying. He's trying so hard. Useless.]

Why… [he whispers, practically against his will,] Why are you doing this to us?

[It's not what he should say, he knows. And yet. The words demand he speak them, lest he shatter. It's not about me. It's not about me. it's not about me. It should never be about him. He's not suffering, he's not dying. He's tired.

But he's- Uncle Tello's-

busy.]

[notapancake]

[Yeah, he doesn't notice the crying. In fact his attention doesn't leave his notes until Casey asks that of him and really?

The answer just slips out easily.]

I'm not doing anything, except saving you the trouble of wasting your time on something useless.

[Does he mean the whole blood transfusion, or himself?

... Honestly he does mean himself here.]

[apuckalypse]

[Casey's getting that impression, at this point, especially based on what he'd said during their last fight, and it continues to absolutely terrify him.]

It's not... it's not useless. It's never useless. You're never useless...

[notapancake]

[A sigh... Casey doesn't get it, or at least he feels like Casey doesn't get it.]

If I wasn't useless I wouldn't have gotten sick, I would have bought you all more than two years... I would have done a lot better.

[apuckalypse]

If- if that's what makes you useless, then I must be even less.

[He knows that isn't true. (It isn't about him. Still. Always.) But what he really doesn't get is the self-flagellating hypocrisy, the rules being different for Uncle Tello only. No one is supposed to be useless. Even if he'd accomplished nothing in his life except loving his family, never. Never, never.]

[notapancake]

... You're a child, Junior.

[Children are allowed to not have a use or purpose, except Donnie. He's always had to prove himself, to do everything he can to make sure his family knows he loves them. Cares for them. By doing everything he can for them.

If he can't, can't even do that? Then what's the point?]

[apuckalypse]

So were you, when it all started! So was sensei, and Uncle Raph, and Uncle Mikey, and-

[So many. So many of them. He's older than most of them were, now, when it happened.]

You did so much. Two years in that hell is huge, don't you get it? It's huge. And you bought us so many years before you died. You took care of me, in the lab, you took care of all of us with your tech and your security and your food science. You're one of the biggest reasons I'm even alive. You don't need to accomplish stuff to not be useless for me, for sensei, but if you do- you want a list? I'll write you a list. I love lists. It's gonna be huge.

[notapancake]

[And he's going to slam a hand on the table in front of him, after Casey says his piece.]

I should have, I could have done more. Leo and Mikey shouldn't have had to use the time portal spell! More than you should have survived, and it's my fault they didn't.

[apuckalypse]

[The sudden smack on the table startles him, and Casey flinches, falling back from his crouch to land on his butt, one hand half-lifting. It's not exactly fear - he still trusts, believes, always, in his family - but the accidental strike from earlier has him on edge and overly cautious.

Contrasting Tello's rising volume, Casey just gets quieter. He has to fight. He doesn't want to fight. But he has to. This isn't right.]

...it's not... it's not. Saying it loud won't make it any more true. It isn't your fault.

[notapancake]

[He doesn't mean to, possibly, scare Casey. He's just mad, and this is a lot better than him hissing and being hard to understand.

At least that's his logic.]

Except it is, Casey. You can say it's not, but that doesn't make that true either.

[Just going to throw Casey's words back at him.]

[apuckalypse]

You don't get to decide for us. And... [He sniffs, wiping a gloved hand against his nose and eyes, thinking quietly for a long moment. His mind is racing, what else, what else...] You're not even looking at it... scientifically. You're being emotional.

[It's not necessarily a bad thing - Casey's always been overly emotional, he can't often shut it off - but his uncle's always prized logic and reason. He can try. He can work through it.]

[notapancake]

[That draws him up short, and he just glares at Casey.]

You can leave, and not come back.

[apuckalypse]

[Casey just... stares back at him, half like he's unable to parse what was said, half because he refuses to.]

[notapancake]

I know you're not deaf, Cassandra Jones Junior.

[He'd never hit Casey on purpose, so he'll just be stern instead.

But boy it's tempting to bite.]

[apuckalypse]

You can't- [ -do this, he wants to say, but things tend to not go well when you try to tell Uncle Tello he can't do something, even if that's not literally what Casey means.] You can't stop me. You can't make me not care. Even if you yell, or- you can't.

[He does scramble to his feet, though, and takes a few steps back.]

[notapancake]

Try me.

[And he's getting up, and he will most certainly go to try to either scruff Casey by his collar or grab an arm. And very firmly carry/drag his nephew out of the lab.]