notapancake | Folkmore IC contact

[Dammit let him have this!!

He'll just stare right back at Casey.]

[Casey will not let him have it, sorry.]

You're so bad at this. You're even lying about lying.

No, I'm not.

[He will just lie more! That will totally work.]

He says, like a liar.

[But okay, obviously he's going to keep resisting, and Casey knows better than to try and win a war of attrition against Uncle Tello. He's so tired of this already. Maybe that's the goal, to wear him out of asking. This isn't the right tactic.

So instead, he sits up a little, enough to stretch his arm to the table and grasp a vial of blood, holding it so it's fully visible in the light. The one with flecks of pink.]

You going to lie about this, too?

[He's about to say he's not lying when Casey gets that vial of blood, and instead of protesting the first thing out of his mouth?]

If you tell Leo it'll destroy him.

[He knows, goodness he knows, if Leo finds out he's sick again? Somehow his twin will blame himself.]

[Tempting to make some kind of threat, that Casey could tell him unless his uncle cooperates, or talks to him, or something. Little incentive to keep his mouth shut, tit for tat.

Easy to remember sensei's expression when he said he saw how Uncle Tello died, though. Easy to recognize that it would be an empty threat, because Casey himself would rather throw himself off a cliff than hurt Leonardo as collateral. And Uncle Tello is already being an asshole to sensei, so what would be one more blow, really?

It isn't fair. He doesn't want to carry it. (He will, though. He always will.)]

It's not going to destroy him any less if you die without warning and he didn't know it was happening. Again.

[Thing is, he really doesn't want to do more damage to his brother. Which is why he hasn't gone back to the apartment.

He also doesn't want this one Casey either, but here they are.]

I'm not going to die, why do you think I'm in here?

[Casey feels a wave of frustration at that.]

I don't know why! You haven't told us anything! You haven't talked to any of us for days! [Has it maybe even been weeks by now? Casey can hardly keep track. Every day is a nightmare.] Why are you here? What are you doing? What's your plan? Do you have a different cure?

I'm working on it, that's what I'm doing, because it's my problem and not any of yours!

[He snaps right back, both of his hands balling up into fists. It's one thing he just doesn't get, is why Casey doesn't understand why he doesn't want to involve the younger turtles.

That they're not his family, and relying on them is just going to end badly for all involved.]

[The snap makes Casey hesitate, his gaze darting away, his voice quieting. He's not fully cowed, he doesn't stop, but he's visibly less aggressive about this than he was last time.]

It's our problem because it's yours. That's how it works with family.

[Ah, so there it is. Or at least the fact that Casey also considers the younger turtles family makes it make sense to him now.]

Except they're not. They're not my family, and they never will be.

I don't- I don't mean them. [He knows Uncle Tello doesn't think of them as his family. He's not surprised and didn't expect it, considering how little time has passed since they got here. It's not like Donnie thinks of him as family, and it's been more than two years now. (Maybe he never will. It's fine. Legitimately, he's not upset about it anymore. It's how thing are.)] What about us? Me, and sensei?

[A part of him is afraid to ask, with how things are right now. But he trusts. He has to trust. He has to believe in his family.]

[The slightest of tilts of his head at that question, as if it's the stupidest thing he's heard lately. And well, he has heard Casey's plan to do the blood thing.]

Of course you two are family. But that doesn't mean you should go about involving others in my problems.

You're still shutting us out, though. Disappearing to this lab, not coming home, not talking to either of us... not letting us help you. You didn't even- sensei got hurt, you didn't come.

[Now lashing out more severely when startled than he's ever seen his uncle do, hiding the Krang blood again, refusing to accept any help... Casey doesn't know what to think right now. There's pride, and there's family, and there's a need for control, and there's... whatever this is.

He gives his right arm an anxious rub up and down; there's new scars there, healed but fresh over the old ones from his childhood. If Uncle Tello wouldn't come for sensei, he wouldn't have come for Casey, either.]

Because, you were there. There wasn't a reason to have both of us there, also according to Leo the weather was horrible in Wintermute.

[Yeah, he notices the arm rubbing, and the new scars. But says nothing, if it was important Casey would do more than just look awkward or... Whatever the teenager is doing right now.]

It... was horrible. Sure. I guess. [But that wouldn't have stopped any of them before. A bit of snow? Even with the cuts they were causing... no.] You're still better at it than me. Faster. I couldn't give him the best care. And you haven't checked in since then, have you.

I've been busy, and I trust your skills. [And he's turning his attention to the work table, shuffling his notes he has there... Hm, maybe if he actually tries some of these formulas on himself instead of samples...]

[Busy.

Busy.

Trying to find a different way to save his own life, just so he doesn't have to accept the help of people who are trying so hard, pouring literally blood, sweat, and tears into a plan that he himself thought would work, given the right resources. Which they have now. Which he won't accept.

Busy. The comment on trust doesn't even register, doesn't ping at all as confidence in Casey's ability. It's so dismissive. Even now, as he turns away from Casey, focusing back on his research. Nothing he's saying matters at all.

Busy. Busy, busy, busy.]

[Something breaks.

Casey bows his head, then, and just. Starts crying. It's not a noisy cry, no sobbing or sniffling or blubber. Donatello might not even notice. The tears fall unhindered and he can't think of what to say. It's a preemptive grief, a helplessness he's struggling to fathom. Back when it first happened, he was even more useless, inept. Now he had more skills that are useful and still, useless. He's trying. He's trying so hard. Useless.]

Why… [he whispers, practically against his will,] Why are you doing this to us?

[It's not what he should say, he knows. And yet. The words demand he speak them, lest he shatter. It's not about me. It's not about me. it's not about me. It should never be about him. He's not suffering, he's not dying. He's tired.

But he's- Uncle Tello's-

busy.]

[Yeah, he doesn't notice the crying. In fact his attention doesn't leave his notes until Casey asks that of him and really?

The answer just slips out easily.]

I'm not doing anything, except saving you the trouble of wasting your time on something useless.

[Does he mean the whole blood transfusion, or himself?

... Honestly he does mean himself here.]

[Casey's getting that impression, at this point, especially based on what he'd said during their last fight, and it continues to absolutely terrify him.]

It's not... it's not useless. It's never useless. You're never useless...

[A sigh... Casey doesn't get it, or at least he feels like Casey doesn't get it.]

If I wasn't useless I wouldn't have gotten sick, I would have bought you all more than two years... I would have done a lot better.

If- if that's what makes you useless, then I must be even less.

[He knows that isn't true. (It isn't about him. Still. Always.) But what he really doesn't get is the self-flagellating hypocrisy, the rules being different for Uncle Tello only. No one is supposed to be useless. Even if he'd accomplished nothing in his life except loving his family, never. Never, never.]

... You're a child, Junior.

[Children are allowed to not have a use or purpose, except Donnie. He's always had to prove himself, to do everything he can to make sure his family knows he loves them. Cares for them. By doing everything he can for them.

If he can't, can't even do that? Then what's the point?]

So were you, when it all started! So was sensei, and Uncle Raph, and Uncle Mikey, and-

[So many. So many of them. He's older than most of them were, now, when it happened.]

You did so much. Two years in that hell is huge, don't you get it? It's huge. And you bought us so many years before you died. You took care of me, in the lab, you took care of all of us with your tech and your security and your food science. You're one of the biggest reasons I'm even alive. You don't need to accomplish stuff to not be useless for me, for sensei, but if you do- you want a list? I'll write you a list. I love lists. It's gonna be huge.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/2

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject