notapancake | Folkmore IC contact

If I hated him, I wouldn't give him any thoughts, Junior.

[He refuses to give any credit to a research stealing little punk!]

[That... makes Casey pause, because it's very much a thought he'd had about Donnie himself not too long ago, but from the opposite perspective. Donnie claimed to not hate him, and Casey doubted it for long enough until it occurred to him that maybe it was true, there was no hate, he just... didn't think anything of Casey at all.

But that was when Casey had been seemingly very easy to ignore the whole existence of. That isn't this.]

if you dont think of him at all why do you keep antagonizing him

[Oh boy, wrong question, Junior.]

All I've tried to do is talk to him. He's the one who jumped off Never Fade, he's the one who decided it was the smart thing to bring up stealing and claiming my research as his own. I'm simply meeting his energy with what he's been putting out.

he jumped off never fade??

[what the fuck has been happening between these two.]

Yes, when all I was trying to do was talk to him.

[Leaving out that he kind of went off Never Fade with Donnie.]

did he say why?

[Even for Donnie that is. A weird choice.]

No. Mostly it was yelling at me for going over with him.

why are you both so bad at this

Well there's the poor socialization in our youth, and the autism. Definitely the autism.

[yeah about that.]

the autism you never told me about

I didn't? I'm pretty sure I did... Or someone else did?

no one! no one did! not a single person in 15 years
donnie told me and i didnt even know what it WAS

Oh.

[Cause what can he say? "Sorry the apocalypse kind of put a damper on that"?]

["Oh", he says. Oh! Casey wants to throw himself out a window.]

im not mad for the record
not like you HAD to tell me or anything
just
idk
it feels important?
but i know lots of important things were shelved in our world
im sorry

[???]

What are you sorry for? You didn't do anything wrong.

[both of them... seriously...

(it was at that moment Casey realized he truly does apologize too much)]

i know i didn't
im saying it sucks you couldnt be yourself

[Ouuugh boy, how to explain this? Without Casey thinking it's his fault?]

A lot of us had to change because of the war, Junior. Some things just aren't viable in that kind of world.

[One can't be all... Donnie about stuff when there are more important things to worry about.]

i get that. i mean i see it every day now
all the stuff we have here that id never seen before, everything you guys talked about missing
it was the life we lived & nothing can change that but we can still say it sucked now u know?

well i know now and everything is viable bc theres no war anymore. what should i know? what would u have told me

[Hrm, hrm, hrm. Well...]

What did Donatello tell you? I'd hate to repeat things you have been told by him.

[Casey sends a cropped screenshot of the explanation he was given at the time:]

"Autism is a neurodevelopmental condition. It affects the way someone interacts and communicates socially. ...there's a lot more to it, but that's the characteristic most applicable to the topic at hand."

thats what he said
& that he has trouble with tones and social cues
and probably low empathy
that its like having different operating systems
& isnt a thing that can be cured or would go away over time

i didnt get why we never had the same problems as he and i
is it bc you cared about me and he didnt? and i just dont remember when we couldnt get along bc i was too young?

[Oh that is... Kind of how he would explain it, good job younger self.]

He's got it all correct, for someone who hasn't had a proper evaluation.

[Not going to explain that he has been officially looked at because of someone in the rebellion took note and pulled him aside in an attempt to help him adapt better to everything.]

No it's not about caring or not caring about someone? At least not how I see it, I just... Needed to be different around you.

[How to explain this? Urgh.]

There's this thing that people like myself can do, I never did this before since I only had to interact with my family. I saw no need to do it, but it's called "masking". It's basically like, wearing a mask? Or presenting yourself in a way that makes social interactions easier?

... I guess one could say I did start doing it more often after you were put in my care more often.

[....

oh.

There's a long pause on Casey's end; excuse him while he goes through something of a crisis, putting his entire life and a lot of their past interactions under a microscope of retroactive horror. He needed to be different with Casey? It started after he had to care for the child he used to be? Never had to do it before because he was with family, and then- and then-

He hunches over his relic, hands clasped over his mouth as he tries to breathe through it. His head's spinning.

It's not about me.
It's my fault?
It's not about me.
He's not so different, he's just- for my sake-
It's not about me.
It's because of me

He feels sick.]

are you still doing it? the masking?

[The pause between replies does make him worry, and more so when Casey asks that.]

Why does it matter if I am or not?

[Not going to tell Casey that Leo told him he could relax, and that maybe how he's been acting with Donatello is him trying to stop doing it? No way is he going to say "I don't know how to stop" to Casey of all people.]

it matters to me
if you aren't able to be yourself because of [ me

....it's not about him] everything that happened years ago

[Mrgh.]

It's not anything you need to worry about, okay? Anything to do with it is on myself.

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